36

Yes...I am 36 years old. But that's not what I'm talking about.

36 pairs of jeans. That is how many pairs of jeans I tried on today in my quest to find a pair of jeans that is both comfy and doesn't make me look like a total slob. I started in the misses department of a department store and tried on about 10 pairs from there. Nope...not one that was right. Most were just too long and I've never come across a tailor who can alter jeans without them coming out dorky. Some were just too matronly. Why don't jean manufacturers (or at least one's that make affordable jeans for regular people like me) make stylish jeans for people my age that don't have the words "tummy control" on the label. I want to be comfortable in my jeans....not have my mid-section wrapped in industrial strength spandex.

So off I went to the juniors department. First question - are there really people that wear size 0, long? Who the heck are these ridiculously skinny people with legs the length of your average giraffe? Oh - they are 12 year olds that haven't "filled out" yet. But still. Size 0? That's just wrong. Needless to say, I was not successful here, either, despite trying on 8 more pairs of jeans. So I was off to the next store.

9 more pairs later, I was still no closer to finding some that I liked. Too long, too tight, too flared (really - on a short girl, flared legs are just goofy looking!), fit the thighs but way too big on the waist, or fit the waist and way too tight on the thighs. Second question - why don't women's jeans come sized like men's jeans ... waist and length? That would make things so much easier! A pair with a 28 inch waist would have just that! None of the quesswork about what size of what brand will fit. And some brands' "short" are too short, but the "average" are too long, so an inseam measurement sure would make things easy!

So off to the third store I went, feeling a bit discouraged, but still determined to find something worth buying. I grabbed just about every style in my size and off to the super fabulous dressing room I went. On pair number 9 at this store, I finally struck gold! I pulled them on, zipped and buttoned without sucking it in, and checked myself in the mirror. They looked like they were made for me! Just the right length, not too tight anywhere, and a little bit of spandex to make everything more comfy. YEEEHAAAAA! After dumping the ridiculously large pile of discards at the fitting room entrance (I felt a little guilty about this, but I only had 15 more minutes before I had to go pick up Megan. I had been trying jeans on for 2 hours!), I noticed a sign that advertised a 15% discount for all military ID holders. BONUS! So off I go to the register, hand over my jeans and present my military ID and am promptly informed "the discount don't apply to jeans" (nice grammar, babe) to which I replied "well that is just asinine" and the lady looked at me with horror in her eyes. I guess she didn't know that word and probably thought I had just called her an ass. I no longer felt guilty for leaving the pile of discarded jeans in the fitting room!

Next on my to-do list: look up the customer service number for the store where I bought my great jeans, and tell them their so-called military discount rules are asinine.